Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize