I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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