Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
