either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We left the knife in your bed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
