never play flip cup with pint glasses
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
