Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
