Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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