this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
