Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
