Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
