yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
