i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
