I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
