well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
