i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
