Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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