turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize