Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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