Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
