The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
