Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
