I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
