it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
