He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
