I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
