I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
