We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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