i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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