I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
