I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
