thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The air taste purple.
Randomize
