Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
