I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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