So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
