he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
