i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
