I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
