Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize