Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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