I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
