How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
