Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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