Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
