Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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