Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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