just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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