Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
