Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
this hospital has no fireball
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
