paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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