chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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