I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
