His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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