he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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