I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
