Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
