i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
