you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
