i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
