5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
