I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
