Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
