my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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