Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
