yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
