Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
