what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
