no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
