I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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