3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
