Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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